As promised, here’s my Friday weigh-in.
Starting weight| 352 lbs
Current weight| 328.4 lbs
Week 23 change| ????
Total loss| 23.6 lbs
The last time I weighed myself was week 12, so it’s official that I’ve gone as long off plan as I went on. I guess I was in denial about that but it’s true. My lowest recorded weight was 313.4 — so I’ve put on 10-15 lbs since March. Not acceptable.
Thoughts are complex. Of course I’m disappointed that I’ve undone so much work but not irreparably. I have been undisciplined with gym and exercise but I haven’t lost the desire to pursue health. I’m also glad that I didn’t break 330 — random, I know, but true.
Thanks for all the feedback earlier this week. The journey continues. You’ll see things turning around as I have another weigh-in next Friday.
Let me tell you what it feels like to be committed to health for two months, and then be half-assed for twice that amount since.
Imagine someone you care about. Let’s say you’ve done something wrong and you are afraid to tell them. Or, flip it, maybe they have hurt you and you lack the courage or skill to confront them.
If you are an exceptional person, you immediately admit your fault to the person you care about in or you confront them regarding their fault in hopes of reconciliation.
But either a confession or a confrontation means that you might have to make yourself uncomfortable. Actually, it’s worse than that — you might be exposed for what you really are and it might be ugly. Better to keep the secret, the self-talk goes, and enjoy a wave a comfort that will eventually wash out on the dry shore of unflattering reality. A beached whale. Fat metaphors.
Imagine having to have that conversation with yourself.
I’ve cheated on myself with myself. Of course I don’t mean this in a sexual way, but I’ve made a commitment to health, broken it but not admitted it, and have kept the facade of commitment while still pursuing other things secretly.
That’s why I haven’t been writing. My hypocrisy only goes so far — I can lie to myself but not to you. Everyone’s morality has a boundary right?
So in coming clean. Here’s the full confession:
What do I weigh? Not sure—but I bet somewhere around 330. I had planned to be somewhere around 275 by now. That’s tough to write.
I have been spotty with the gym. Over the last month I’ve probably worked out 10 times. Hitting weights pretty hard strangely.
Since we’ve had the house on the market, we keep it pretty spotless. Cooking at home has become rare. Also showings tend to happen after work— right about dinner time. Not an excuse, but worth noting. Food has been for dealing with stress, not for nutrition.
As you all have mentioned repeatedly, food journaling is the best way to keep yourself honest. I do it inconsistently and this is probably the biggest culprit of last several weeks.
It’s not acceptable. This is harder than I thought. I regret the tone of arrogance in past posts describing short term wins. What good is a 1st quarter lead if you you’re down by 30 at halftime?
June is halftime. I’m nervous I’m not going to pull this one out. Sincerely. But I’m not quitting.
There have been moments of cold water being splashed on the face: My wife asking if I’m still doing this, Marion’s comments, a stranger I ran into saying she was a subscriber.
Cold water never feels good at first— but that accountability has helped in a cumulative sense, reminding me of the commitment I made. I don’t want to be someone who breaks commitments.
Aside: I forgot my wallet today. Nothing like an inconvenient mistake to help you evaluate how things are going in life.
So I’m not making any new promises. There will be a weigh-in this Friday (yikes). There will be some gameplan changeup that I’ll share later. I’m getting up, dusting off and going back out.
This article has been making the rounds lately. Can you really get a good workout in 7 minutes? Apparently you can.
My take is that this workout would suck terribly and that I would rather go 20-30 minutes and feel like I worked hard than go for 7 minutes and feel like I could go into cardiac arrest.
What do you think?
As for me: not anything new to report — I’ve been going to gym and budgeting calories this week. Feeling good. Sleeping better.
House is still on the market. Cleaning everyday is getting old—but the house always looks good.
Lame update I know—but breaking the silence.
Coincidence? Ha, not likely.
Posturing for the presidency? Maybe.
Should you and I get it? I won’t speak for you or the governor…
…but I won’t get weight loss surgery, though it is tempting
I see how people could and do get weight loss surgery.
Being fat sucks. Dieting sucks.
If you could pay someone a few grand to put your body on weight loss autopilot despite some potential complications—why not do it?
A botched weight loss surgery that ends in infected death might not be any different than death from cardiac arrest after terrorizing a krispy kreme franchise—-right?
I have judged people who get weight loss surgery—and I still think anyone who has lost weight because of it should have an asterisk next to their 100 lbs lost cover stories.
But I’ve mellowed out in my weight-loss fundamentalism (partly because of my own struggles to see through personal goals).
I think Chris Christie should have melted fat the old school way—and I think he missed a leadership opportunity that could have inspired people (and won votes)—but whatever measures he’s taking to
win the Republican nomination for president be there for his family, I salute it with a libertarian dimissiveness ala “it’s his body, good for him and his family”.
But it doesn’t inspire me. It doesn’t really help the greater cause of furthering an ideal of health in this nation. It may play well on the coasts, but in middle America we want a little more grit.
My cynical mind tells me that a temporary plastic band shrinking a stomach only changes things temporarily.
But as someone who struggles with all of “this”, I’m not sure I can throw the stone I keep describing in my hand.
My wife and I have distinct alarms on our phones: mine is a guitar strumming, her’s sounds what can best be described as a slot machine counting a high score.
We have two alarms because we wake up at different times. Me: 5:15am, her: 6:45am.
This morning I heard slot machines.
I left my phone in the other room. Missed my alarm.
It doesn’t mean I’ll be late to work, it does mean there’s no time for a morning workout.
So I have three options:
A) Apply one of my two Monday workouts to today (I did cardio in the morning, weights in the evening)
B) Hit the gym after work. I get the workout in, but might be too amped for early bedtime and thus not want to workout Wednesday morning.
C) Focus on my calorie intake and not worry about making workouts fit—even though I told myself I would workout daily this week. Pick it up tomorrow.
What would you do?
Thanks for excusing the crazy last week. Last week was a whirlwind. House listed Friday—we’ve had three showings including one this afternoon.
The last 5 days or so have consisted of some pretty poor eating. I spent a good amount of the weekend feeling bloated. After a while, food just didn’t taste as good as I thought it would. I started craving the whole food I used to eat more regularly. And while I was up past midnight last night (Mad Men, Game of Thrones, House of Cards),
I still made it to the gym this morning.
First time in over a week. It’s not that I haven’t been active, but it’s time to get back to our regularly scheduled programming. Gym sweat felt good—but the mid workout need-for-bowel-movement always is always a bummer (is that a pun?).
Had a solid breakfast to set up the day. I feel the metabolism working. Got to plan out a solid grocery store run.
The scale’s been packed up for about a week since we decluttered to put the house up for sale. I feel like I am at 320. I want to be sub-300 by June 1.
Even though I pretty much stalled on fat loss—I’ve added some muscle to my frame over the last couple months. I’d like to continue that.
I’m getting back on plan because that has brought me this far. Lean protein, whole grains, green veggies and some fun on the weekends. It worked—time to bring it back.
Thanks to everyone for the words of encouragement. I was thinking about a guy who used to write a blog back a few months ago who was really gung ho for a bit. He announced he was moving and he deleted his blog and never wrote again. Stress can make this feel like this is not a priority—but it has to be.
30+ weight loss has bought me better fitting clothes, lower BP, more energy–-but I’m just nowhere near my goals. I feel like I should give some rally cry but only cheesy ones are coming to my head.
HI HO SILVER!
Last week’s weigh-in was +2 lbs. I would have written about it, but my computer sat in disassembled pieces in my home office.
This past week I have become painter, carpenter, mason, and custodian. We may move, we may not move. A lot has to come together.
I had all the intentions of going to the gymnasium last night. Instead I was working on my home’s brick facade in the rain. It was 40s. I should have gone to workout. I went to bed. ”I’ll go in the morning,” I reasoned.
Slept past the alarm.
The house is the cleanest it’s ever been. I want to put a bow on it. A photographer is coming later to take pictures. Nothing like a winter day in the middle of spring to take pictures.
In crazy of yesterday, I found myself craving a short stack of pancakes. I wasn’t even hungry, I just wanted to eat a stack of pancakes—with butter and syrup.
I’m not a pancake guy really. Or a sweets guy. But something about being in the rain and being bitter at mother nature made me want to eat.
I didn’t though. My thoughts went from considering the short stack to considering why I was considering the short stack. Fat thinking.
In all of the work I’ve done around the house, I notice more strength + stamina. That’s encouraging. But getting on all fours is still a chore.
In terms of my fitness goals, I am still stuck. Not moving forward or backwards really. Other things are competing for priority and time.
If you’ve been there, how did you get through it?
After stalling over the last month, the inner mind conversation started to sound a little bit frantic.
“I am not on track. I’m losing steam. I don’t care as much as I used to.
What? Are you kidding me? You can’t afford to slow up now you’re nowhere near your goals?
You’re right. I need to make up for lost time. I should do the [redacted] DIET™ and workout three times a day”
But that’s not how I have lost over 35 lbs so far. And it’s the type of thinking I’m trying to avoid— because it’s short-sighted, unhealthy—pretty much a bad idea.
So far this week I’m going back to the fundamentals:
- early morning workout to set the day right and boost metabolism
- stay under my calorie budget
- drink water like I’m in the desert
Keeping it simple.
Some fall off the wagon, and some slide off slowly.
I wouldn’t say I’m off the wagon— I still am holding on, being dragged behind, one hand clenched tightly on the tailgate, another around a glazed donut.
I’m still here.
I’ve hovered at about the same weight for over a month. No (or little) gain, but definitely little loss.
It’s not a plateau. More like a fatso.
Or fatso thinking.
I’m not beating myself up—really—but it’s no secret that I’ve been half-assing the effort recently.
- I went from daily 5 am workouts to 3 workouts a week
- I went from daily calorie budgeting (for a 70 day span) to weekdays only.
I had planned to be well below 300 lbs by now. Ha. Plans.
Each of us has this beast that at times is tame—even charming—and at others, can be unruly and wild.
It’s our personality.
There are smarter people than I who can explain the interplay of id, ego and superego, but I like to keep it simple. Take this test.
You should get a series of four letters, each corresponds to a different dimension of your personality. Me = ENTP.
What does that have to do with pursuing health? More than you’d think.
I’m not shy about being critical of others here — so let me apply that same microscope to myself to assess how I’m doing now that we are 25% into 2013.
The following are descriptors of my personality and how they have helped me so far:
I handle pressure well. I’m calm. Even charming. “ENTPs are known for their insightful, thoughtful and unique perspectives”.
But there’s another side.
- Come up with a million ideas (finishing them is another story)
- Annoy friends and family with “playing devil’s advocate” and debating
- Bring tremendous energy, vision and focus at the start of a project
All true — unfortunately. I mentioned in an earlier post that I was worried about March.
Why? Because I tend to get bored. I have a problem with finishing things—hence the infrequent posting. And the steady creep on the calorie count.
But last week’s weigh-in (that I forgot to post—see above for the reason why) — was a no gain- no loss. I’m still working out (with less ferocity) and still budgeting calories (with less passion).
I’m not discouraged and I’m nowhere near done. Now that Spring has arrived I feel a new sense to recommit to what I started—in spite of myself. March was a stall — I haven’t gone backwards or forwards.
How does your personality help/harm your pursuit of health?